One Man’s Experience with Positive Discipline

A couple of weeks ago I asked a question on the Heligirl Facebook page about how to parent and gently guide kids through those rough stages, such as the ferocious threes (which have nothing on the terrible twos) with positive discipline.

One reader and a great friend shared something that was so powerful, I asked him if I could post it here. I love how he changed his technique and the incredible example of how using positive discipline helped him connect with his son. Here is what he wrote about dealing with his son who was acting out:

I decided to invert my response, and I recognize that I was multi-tasking too soon for his level of maturity. Usually when I stopped what I was doing, and went hands on, gently, and spoke to him face to face and guided him through whatever the issue was, it worked out well.

The other thing that helped reduce melt downs and conflicts was redirecting and diverting him to something else. It was easy because their attention span is short. But I had to be cautious not to be buying him out of a conflict with me by providing what might be a reward, such as food, sweets, or TV time.

Jen, it was partly because of your blog a year or two ago that I realized I was getting mad and that phrase you used “positive parenting.”

I didn’t want to demonstrate anger for him, and he didn’t deserve a swat on the rump for “correction” when I was responsible for everything that happens in my house, including preventing conflict and having reasonable expectations of a baby in a toddlers’ body. My rules or instructions, still at 7 years old, are based on my experience and perception of time, commitments, and orderliness in our home, car or public behavior venues.

A little person can’t possibly understand consequences in my life or adult propriety unless he was walked through it step by step repeatedly in a kind and gentle, appealing way. He and I have developed this great trust and closeness now. I rarely have to discipline him now, and he is willing to go calm down, just try to talk his way through his tears and mini frustrations if I take a time out with him.

I did not have that kind of nurturing as a boy, but instead, my frustrated and emotionally disturbed mom spanked me every day, over minor things. We still have an emotional distance. I’ve broken the cycle and I’m helping my wife try to focus on prevention too.

My observation is that we get ourselves too busy for kids’ cognition speed. Being organized helps too. I love being a father. And I must make sure he believes that with all his heart, even when I have to be firm.

Recently, surprisingly, he’s developed this sense of humorous observations of people and circumstances. Little jokes and quips are popping out much to our delight. I’ve told him that’s it’s his job to have fun and love us, and ours too, but we also have to “protect and guide him” at all times. That got me big hugs.

Ok, are you all teared up yet? This man is a firefighter/arson investigator. He’s a big guy. And I mean tall. He’s well over 6 feet tall and I’ve never seen him less than excited about whatever he was doing. He’s a helicopter pilot too, so that’s how I know him in real life. Hearing this kind of heartfelt, honest confession from such a man is an amazing testament to the power of Positive Discipline.

Please consider joining the conversation. Follow Heligirl on Facebook and share your Positive Discipline story, ask a question, or share a resource. I look forward to hearing from you.

Tagged as: Mom Tip Monday