Caffeine, Oh How I Love To Hate Thee

It’s never too late to get on that New Year’s Resolution band wagon, is it?

That’s a rhetorical question by the way.

I’m thinking I need to jump aboard in a bad way. There are a few changes I need to make here at the ranch, like soon.

Not the kind that require moving all the furniture or seeking medical assistance with south moving body parts (at least not yet). And certainly not the kind of change where I need to find a fictitious nonbiological character to run away with and marry. (I’m saving that for my midlife, right after I buy a sexy sports car and name it Francesco).

I’m thinking that I simply need to eat and drink better to keep up with the insane amount of energy my children and business, not to mention my self-created illusions of impending doom, tend to suck out of me every day.

The truth is, I’ve been really dragging lately between the kids and work.

It became rather apparent when I looked at Hubby the other day and noticed he’d dropped several pounds. The man has been walking at lunch, eating better (and less) and is looking good. And it took me a month to notice.

To make matters worse, freaking football season is around the corner and with it, Hubby disappears more weekends than he’s home until Christmas to go to his alma mater’s home games a state away.

I absolutely HAVE to find a way to get more energy.

I thought I was tackling this when I got myself a fancy little present last January (my beloved espresso maker) to help reduce the cost of an addiction I picked up in November. I even downloaded a homemade recipe for pumpkin spice syrup. (You don’t even want to know how hard it is to find canned pumpkin in July people. It’s a serious addiction, these pumpkin spice lattes.)

Turns out, this isn’t working, and I think I have an inkling on why.

Caffeine, while great for that little boost of energy and good mood in the AM, just drains me more after its out of my system. Even when just one frothy, tasty, heavenly cup a day. I used to drink tea, but bumping it up to espresso seems to have made this little issue worse.

I’m also finding myself drinking a glass of wine most evenings to chill out at the end of a long day. While I’m craving that glass during stressful times the way Lightening McQueen covets the Piston Cup (I don’t get out much, remember), it’s beginning to dawn on me that this too may not be helping matters.

Add to that my inability to remember to drink much more than that during the day, such as those eight cups of water that are recommended, and I’d say I might have a little dietary issue.

So, as of today, I’ve decided to go cold turkey on the caffeine and limit my wine to two nights a week (then only one glass of red).

Oh, and I added two Tylenol to the morning vitamins to head off that headache from hell that comes from cutting out caffeine.

So far, here is what I have to report from this bold and somewhat foolhardy move:

• Tylenol is over rated. In fact, I’m convinced my bottle is actually placebos planted by a neo-Nazi tree hugging thread of the CDC to prove we really don’t need pain killing drugs and it’s all in our heads

• My typical low patience for idiots, bad drivers, children hitting each other and cats launching three feet of projectile puke on the carpet as now non-existent. In fact, is it possible to have negative patience? If so, that is what I have now. I might have kicked the cat.

• I have these dark circles and they’re scary. I fear those raccoons might come back thinking I’m their mommy.

• Every time I want coffee, tea, Pepsi, Red Bull, caffeine pills, etc., I drink water. Water sucks. It’s tasteless, bland and we use it in our toilets. I added a Crystal Lite packet to make it taste a little better. My mind isn’t convinced.

• I’m peeing every hour now. What a waste of my freaking time. I already have negative patience with anything and everything. Having to stop what I’m doing to pee is pushing me over the edge. Damn water.

• I might be a little irritable.

• I need a glass of wine.

Bet you can’t wait for day two, eh? If you don’t hear from me, I either died or was sent to jail for killing something. It was probably the cat.

Tagged as: caffeine, Confessions