The Delicate Balance – making time for self

It’s no secret many of us parents struggle to find that ideal balance between home, work, family and self. More often than not, us moms are very guilty of neglecting that last aspect – self.

I recently learned how that bad habit can really do a number on me.

Shortly after the beginning of the year I found that I was focusing on work and family only. My business was growing and new and exciting projects were coming my way. I found my stride working part time on projects and spending the remainder of time participating in the kids’ preschool, hosting and attending play dates, and just enjoying time with the kids.

But something was missing. I was feeling depleted despite all the hand-picked work that inspired me. I’d started this business so I could be with the kids part time as opposed to having them in daycare full time, but they were wearing me out and my temper was rising more often than not.

It took some time, but it finally hit me. I was missing me.

It had been months since I’d taken myself to see a movie. I would see previews, think, “Oh, I have to see that.” Then before I know it the DVD is out.

I’d get e-mails from friends wanting to get together for drinks or dinner, but I’d feel guilty about leaving Hubby alone with the kids more than once every two weeks or so. He was usually willing, but I had this sense of duty that was all my own doing. I missed my friends.

I used to love going for a bike ride along the water, pumping my feet to the beat of the music and enjoying the rush of exercise. My poor bike is now so out of tune and again I feel guilty leaving Hubby with the kids.

It was after a particularly rough day when I found myself wishing the kids were old enough for grade school so I could just veg out in front of the TV, or meet a girlfriend for coffee, or sit on the couch and read a book all day that I realized I’d need to make a few adjustments to rebalance.

My church was offering a 10-week class called Beyond Limits that sounded fascinating. As my business grew, I was yearning to learn a few skills to go beyond my own limits to enjoy a more satisfying life. That included taking time for self.

I took one evening a week in class for myself and what I learned helped me realize that taking that time for self, be it spiritual renewal, doing things I love to do, or giving myself permission to do absolutely nothing productive whatsoever is exactly what I needed to achieve that formerly elusive balance.

Now I make time for me.

A few weeks back I put aside work and for a few hours took myself to the movies on one of the mornings the kids had daycare. It felt so good to escape and simply be entertained.

I put my guilt aside and set up a gathering of fellow lady pilots and we had a great evening of laughter, drinks and heartwarming friendship. I returned feeling lighter and relaxed.

And this past week I headed to L.A. for business. I purposefully scheduled a half a day to drop off the grid. I checked e-mail in the morning then got in the car and disappeared into the hills.

I wanted to spend a little time in Vasquez Rocks, hiking, relaxing, and just enjoying the quiet. My phone had no service. It was blissful uninterrupted time to commune with the rocks, think, focus and just enjoy the warm Southern California sun.

One thing I’ve found is when I do take this time to take care of me I have infinitely more patience with life’s little upsets, more energy to play with the kids, and I’m more creative and inspired in my work.

It’s a delicate balance, finding time to make work, family, home and self co-exist, but it is utterly essential we not forget to make self a part of the mix. I’m convinced changing our thinking to accept self time as a benefit to home, work and family will go a long way toward increasing our own inner peace and happiness.