A Boob Man, Again

To be totally honest, I’ve been feeling a little depressed lately. Every once in a while, something will happen that cheers me up, like my little adventure two weeks ago, then I slip back, almost immediately. I was really starting to worry about what the hell was going on.

At the same time, I’ve noticed my milk has slowly decreased. Mr. Man decided that nursing and biting were the same thing about six to eight weeks ago so I started to limit nursing. Then I cut it out altogether. I wanted very much for him to have breast milk for a year, so I’m pumping three times a day. Yet, in the last couple of weeks my milk has dropped again and I think the hormone shifts are what have me feeling blue. It had been a couple of weeks since I tried to nurse so I decided to give it a shot, hoping the little dude got past biting and his nursing could bump the production up.

What happened? He didn’t want to have anything to do with the boob. I tried for several days, and he just arched his back, cried out and pushed me away. Suddenly, it hit me. My nursing days are over. That just depressed me more.

I’m not having any more kids. I nursed Sweetness until 13 months, when my milk all but dried up because I was pregnant with Mr. Man. I thought I’d nurse my little man for longer. I cherish the connection, and I’ve been missing it. I figured we’d just try again after he got used to his new teeth. I wasn’t the least bit prepared for the last time we’d ever nurse. I was heartbroken. I cried myself to sleep the other night.

Then, last night, Mr. Man woke at his typical 2:30 a.m. I went in and thought, “what the hell, I’ll give it a shot. Maybe in his half-awake state there will be some sign of the instinct left.”

And sure enough, he latched on like a pro and nursed for 15 minutes in the dimness of his nursery, lit only by the soft nightlight as I rocked in the rocker. The tears I shed this time were of pure joy. Maybe, just maybe, we still have some time left.

When he woke this morning, I went in and without turning on the light took him to the rocker to try again. And, again, he nursed!! Then again after his first nap. And again IN the toddler gym as his sister teased this red-headed little boy in the inflatable bouncing house. From no nursing to four times in one day (so far)!!

I can’t tell you how happy I feel to have this time back with him. He had a bit of a sniffle and his childcare provider requested I keep him home. I needed another day with the kids as I’m having serious guilt right now for working so I took the day off to be with them. Today couldn’t have been more of a blessing.

I’ll leave you with this adorable movie I got of him at the gym. This is the first time he’s ever been on one of these, and he was a pro. He’s a handsome little dude.